Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
