I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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