Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.