Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.