If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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