so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary