Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.