did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
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Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
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Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on