she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.