Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
