i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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