shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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