I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
