i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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