The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
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I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
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He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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