GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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