I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
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Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
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we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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