Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
