Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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