New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
