He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
