just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
two words...techno handjob
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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