i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
