i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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