No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
