Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
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Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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