Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
