So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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