I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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