I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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