I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
