Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
