I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just found puke in my bra..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
