i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
