I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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