32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
