what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
