Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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