I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
