so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
