summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
