This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
