The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
