they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
