It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize