I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
