I seem to have left my pride at pride
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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