Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
