Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
