the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
