I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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