it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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