we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
