It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
