I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
