the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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