my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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