I want to make a zoo with you.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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