I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
