I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
