just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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