either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
