I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My pussy is not your playground.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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