if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
