My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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