if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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