I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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