Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
