Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
