watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
